Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Silence. That's where I am right now and it's not easy. I'm the type of person that likes to have a handle on things. I love to dream. I love to cast vision. I love to be stretched and challenged. But the last year or even few years has me searching my heart and head for deeper answers. That's made it hard to blog. I just don't know what to write or don't have much to say. Sometimes silence is golden.

I'm so thankful for my relationship with Christ and that this time in the valley has allowed me to strengthen my relationship with Him. It's in those hard moments of life that you realize just how dependent you are on Jesus.

I'm thankful for my family and friends. My wife and daughters are so amazing. I am extremely blessed - way beyond measure!

What I really hate about being in this valley is that I am losing my passion. It's just not there - like a fire that dwindles to a small flame. I almost feel like a dream is dying. Is it an attack of the evil one himself? Is it the difficulties of life in general? Is it my own stubborn will being broken?

I'm not sure I will ever know. But I do know this; Jesus is still my Savior and He is still on His throne. Only Christ can bring me comfort, peace, and healing during this time. My focus must be on Him during ever storm life has to offer.

The other day one of my good friends reminded me of Psalm 30 - what a great reminder!

1 I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me.

3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave [b] ;
you spared me from going down into the pit.

4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.

5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
"I will never be shaken."

7 O LORD, when you favored me,
you made my mountain [c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

8 To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:

9 "What gain is there in my destruction, [d]
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.